Angel Force

“The best thing a mother can give her child is her own happiness!”

Every mother wants the best for her child. She wants them to study, to succeed in life and to be happy. Mothers read tons of books, attend all sorts of seminars and take classes on how to raise and care for their children. There are thousands of techniques and instructions on what a mother should do, or not, in order to be successful in the most difficult profession in the world, the one with the most responsibility – being a parent.

Motherhood is not easy. It requires a huge amount of energy, work, patience and love. Most psychology books advise that we do this, or that, for our children, the child must eat a healthy meal this many times a day, and spend that many hours sleeping, running, playing…

Not a single book, however (at least not in my experience) tells us what the mother must do for HERSELF!!!

Because, the truth is, when the mother is happy, the child will be happy, too.

This is why there is something really important that every mother can do in order to give her child the very best. And it is: her own happiness!

My observations show that every woman goes through huge changes once she gives birth. As soon as the baby arrives, it seems like she ceases to exist! She focuses her entire being on the little creature, completely forgetting and ignoring herself! And she can continue like this for years!

She gradually becomes nervous, short-tempered, impatient, anxious, depressive, etc.

Of course, the changes in her directly affect the children and the father. Because, dear ladies, whichever way we look at it, the truth is: “The woman is the Sunshine of the family!” And if the Sunshine is bright, it illuminates everything around it and everyone is happy! If it starts to fade away, it directly affects every member of the family. Of course, the children suffer the most…

Children are like sponges. They soak up the emotional state of their parents, and mainly that of the mother! You may not be aware of the fact that the mother and the child share the same aura up to a certain age and are completely interconnected, so if Mommy feels good, the child will feel that way, too. If Mommy starts feeling stressed and anxious, this will reflect on the child 100 %.

This is why, I repeat: “The best thing we can give a child is our own happiness!”

Let us look into the things I mentioned above in more detail – what is a mother obliged to do for her child? One – the mother must take care of her child! But shouldn't she also take care of herself?

Two – the child must get enough sleep. And what about the mother – shouldn't she get enough sleep also?...

I regularly get visits from mothers who haven't had a good night's sleep in three, four years (sometimes even more, if they've had two children one after the other.) And when the body cannot recharge its batteries, it starts running on empty and the problems start – depression, anxiety, anger, etc. All this can be avoided if Mommy simply takes the time to get some sleep! And not let that little voice inside her say, this cannot be done, because there's nobody to take care of the child, and so on... It's all up to you! If you want your child to grow up healthy and happy, take care of yourself!

Three – the child has to eat healthy, balanced meals several times a day. And doesn't Mommy have to do that, too?

Most mothers have “no time” and regularly go the whole day without eating, or try to grab a quick bite of just anything! Or they don't eat all day because they think they've put on weight after the pregnancy and not eating will help them lose it. BUT, of course, at one point they cannot stand it anymore and they binge. Or they like to have something sweet – chocolate or biscuits, in order to fill the inner emptiness or the pressure they feel. Thus, they start turning in a vicious circle that is hard to get out of. And it's so easy – the only thing they need to do is TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES by eating healthy meals. Eating well has an effect on our entire being! Not only physically, but mentally as well!

Let's take another example – the child must have physical exercise (jumping and running) in order to be healthy. Doesn't the mother have to as well?

I regularly see mothers in my office who say: “Before I had the baby, I did a lot of sports. I loved going to the gym (dancing, yoga, etc.) but since I gave birth, there's no time…”

Of course there isn't! She is completely devoted to her child, ignoring herself! When we don't get enough physical exercise, we have no way of releasing the pressure and the stress we have accumulated and we start yelling at everyone at home. We become sad, disliking our bodies, lacking self-confidence…and so on. Back in the day, many psychologists advised their clients to chop wood. Yes, you heard right: “Chop wood!” Why? Because chopping wood is physical labor. It takes away the pressure and we feel much better. I now like to say: “We don't need to go out and chop wood.” We have the gym, yoga, swimming, dancing and so many other things…

So, my dear mothers, exercise! Exercise will make you drink more water and eat “cleaner” food. It will invigorate you and make you feel better about yourselves, and all this will have a positive effect on your those dearest to you – your children!

Five – the child should play and have fun. And doesn't Mommy have to as well?

How often does Mommy go out with her girlfriends? Does she have time for herself? I often give my clients homework – to find 2-3 hours a week just for themselves, to read a book, listen to music, go out for a walk or with friends. And do you know what the answer is? It's always the same: “I know I should. And I would love to do it, but I have no time!” Remember, if you don't give yourself time, nobody will give it to you!

That's why, dear ladies, take care of yourselves, because: “The best thing we can give our children is our own happiness!”

Of course, it's very important for us not to forget the relationship with the father. How often do parents spend time together? Doing something fun, just the two of them, like going out to dinner or for a walk or to a weekend getaway? Generally, when the baby comes, the man is the last thing on the woman's list, unless she has to feed him or do his laundry. But that's not what the man wants! He wants to be alone with his beloved, to embrace and enjoy her, spending time together and hearing her say how much she loves him because he's the most wonderful man on Earth. How many of us do this? Or, we'll say something like: “I'm the one who needs attention, I want to be told how beautiful and special I am…”

But do we understand that we must give before we receive? If we continue giving our man a long list of things to be done, then criticize him that he hasn't done them properly, how can he come and tell us how beautiful we are? My practice has shown that some men do that in the beginning, but only because they keep hoping the woman will calm down at some point. Alas, that rarely happens. Time goes by and the relationship becomes more and more unstable, often ending in a breakup – and, of course, the children are the ones who suffer the most. If only Mommy could just take some time for herself, things would be different, because when the woman is happy, she is kind, positive, always smiling. This has an effect on her partner as well – it fills their relationship with love and understanding. And if the nucleus of the family is stable, raising and caring for children is no longer an ordeal. The best thing for a child is to see Mommy and Daddy happy and in love! If the parents are happy, the children will be, too!

You see how important the mother is for the family!

Did you know that there was a study in which a group of children were asked: “What do you want the most for Mommy?” All the children answered in the same way: “I want Mommy to be happy!”

So, my dear ladies, listen to the wisdom of your children and remember: “The best thing we can give our child is our own happiness!”

With love to all the mothers out there,
Albena Simeonova
Child Psychologist and Family Therapist

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